secrets of spilt milk.
irritations: five cent pieces. lime green. sunsets. milo. spiders. insomnia. bride wars. greasy hair. old things. feet. procrastination. pepsi. dry. women's business suits. envy. bruised apples. country. the prince. understatements. skin. lack of physical contact. fluro yellow. the earth. mundane. perfection. truth. bordem. gabriella cilmi. being goood. procrastination. vomit colours. chaos. long dresses. silence. sitting still. early bedtimes. illustrator. real talent. safety. loving people who don't deserve it. the ‘right’ thing to do. being careful with my heart. realism. crap stories. la soliel. white stripes. the cross. procrastination. more procrastination. being honest unnecessarily. straight men. beautiful things. curved lines. straight figures. the usual. clean. appreciation of ugly. agreements. people at ease. coughs. Fred. trying hard.
*
"Let me tell you something about the world, kid. It's a big place, and there are a lot of people in it. There are bad people and good people, monsters and angels, people you should trust and people you should just downright avoid. And you wanna know the worst thing about it? You have no idea what a person is until it's far too late."
"Then what are you?"
"You won't know until it's far too late, kid."
- Bloo-Jelly
20 June, 2010
slut
If my calculations are correct...
((y-(1/2)x-1)^2+|x-2|+|x-4|-2)^2((y-3)^2+|x-2|+|x-4|-2)^2((y-(1/2)x-2)^2+|x-2|+|x-4|-2)^2(x-5)^2
((y-2)^2+|x-5|+|x-7|-2)^2(x-8)^2(x-10)^2((y-2)^2+|x-8|+|x-10|-2)^2(x-12)^2
((y-4)^2+|x-11|+|x-13|-2)^2+(y^2-6y+8+sqrt(y^4-12y^3+52y^2-96y+64))^2=0
is = slut.
Labels: lol calculator
6:58 PM
FIGHT!
I've been thinking that you've crossed the line,
if you disappeared that would be just fine,
'cause you waste my time and waste my money
and you're not too cool and not too funny!
Spreading your seed all over the town
getting too greedy and messing around:
Oh my gosh you must be joking me
if you think that you'll be poking me.
Don't take me on.
if you disappeared that would be just fine,
'cause you waste my time and waste my money
and you're not too cool and not too funny!
Spreading your seed all over the town
getting too greedy and messing around:
Oh my gosh you must be joking me
if you think that you'll be poking me.
Don't take me on.
Labels: yawn
12:27 PM
04 June, 2010
Haiku I
scars just do not heal
salted wounds and memories
from my yesterday
10:29 PM
03 June, 2010
Abandon Ship
I left the gas on
Walked the allies in the dark
Slept with candles burning
I left the door unlocked
I was weaving a rope and
Running all the red lights
Didn’t I get your attention?
I made it over the three day hump.
Not sure if it’s smooth sailing.
But I’m doing okay, for once.
It’s not so bad.
I’m not too happy.
So I’m not insecure about it.
Oh fuck don’t jinx it.
Labels: attention, danger, wounds
10:28 PM
Introducing Marley Law
I felt that what I was standing on had given way, that I had no foundation to stand on, that that which I lived by no longer existed, and that I had nothing to live by.
Tolstoy
I’d sit and listen if I had the energy.
But somehow my head just wont focus.
Labels: learning
10:36 AM
02 June, 2010
blood
Focus, child.
Focus.
My throat gets tighter and tighter whenever I think of assignments.
Auron, is that you?
Pulling me closer.
Pulling me around.
What am I made of?
Matter.
What does it matter?
I don’t see light
in my eyes
anymore.
Labels: darker sides
10:18 PM
Never Wrong
"Excuse me,” I choke, “I’m not myself today."
Found myself so lost don't recognize
The person now that you, you claim to be
Don't know when to stop, or where to start
You're just so caught up in who you are
Now you're far too high for me to see
I'd never thought that we'd come to this
Maybe there's beauty in goodbye
There's just no reason left to try
You push me away
Another black day
Another black day
Let's count up the reasons to cry
Look what you've missed, living like this
Nobody wins
9:25 PM
eagles are st00pid
“Pleasure is the absence of suffering."
Labels: Epicurus
8:20 PM
01 June, 2010
Withdrawal
Keep blogging because I can’t do anything else properly.
I feel like I fell from a ten story building.
I don’t know what to do.
I wont let myself think
so everything is spilling out physically.
I’m not myself.
I want to puke.
My eyes are sore.
My head is pinched up so tight I can feel the little connections as they tip toe around what I really don’t want to think about. Tip toe around all fucking day, all fucking night. Just don’t hurt me.
Cleo, you’ve really fucked things up.
I don’t need your pity.
Pity was all I had. I have to stay neutral. Tell myself to focus on the future and all I see is black dots and patches where I try to hide all the plans I had. Tell myself to think about my passions and the things I enjoy. Everything feels fucking flat and dead. I can’t motivate myself. I keep walking around and doing things but don’t get anywhere.
So long as I don’t think.
Please forgive me,
I’m not my fucking self.
I wish you all understood, what goes on. I wish you could all meet logic. Logic is the super ego in this game that we’re playing. The will to live. Logic would like to tell you all, that in fact, this is not me. This is not really who I am. I wouldn’t do this normally.
I did what I had to do, just to survive. What do you do, when everything tells you to quit? I had to speak up. I had to call the attention my way.
Did I ever ask for this?
Better than nothing, right? I don’t know, I don’t know. I used to have control. I used to be able to keep quiet and deal with it alone. I used to be able to deal with this but it just got too big.
Don’t you fucking see that I’m not myself?
I wish you all understood. What it’s like. You can’t have sympathy for someone so terrible, right right right. I don’t want to hurt anybody. But the first instinct when drowning is to pull on those around you. Even if it takes them down.
I need help that nobody wants to give. You can leave and quit but I can’t. I live with myself all the fucking time, how do you think that feels?
All anybody can say is things I should take. Take some vitamins. You need more vitamins. You need more something else. You need more.
The answer is going to be inside a tablet.
I don’t want to be me anymore. So I keep misbehaving. Keep fighting and kicking and scrreaming my way out of this trap. Tear this out. Tear me up. I can’t see the sun.
I’m drowning.
Cross my heart.
Hope to die.
I never meant to hurt anyone.
Except myself.
Let me tell you the truth.
I’m not myself.
But whoever I’ve become
wants out.
Right now.
I wish you knew.
Labels: ache
8:46 PM
cold feet
I can’t just play it safe anymore.This isn’t a seminar.“If you lose your nerve before you hit the bottom,” Tyler says, “you’ll never really succeed.”Only after disaster can we be resurrected.“It’s only after you’ve lost everything,” Tyler says, “that you’re free to do anything.”
Labels: chuck palahniuk
8:11 PM
Haunt
“Maybe self-improvement isn’t the answer.
Maybe self-destruction is the answer.”
Echos.
In my own room.
Is it natural to be feeling so nauseous?
I’ve exhausted all my options.
and you know, I keep telling myself to be fine.
Keep calm, carry on.
but choking it all down every five minutes just doesn’t last that long.
it’s been almost twenty four hours.
twenty four hours too fucking long.
I’m talking to myself again.
Labels: Auron White
7:24 PM
Genesis (Part II)
He hoped and he wished it but it didn’t fall in his lap, so he ain’t even here.
You know, being honest with myself never worked.
My old blog never worked.
A place where I just added constant fuel to the fire, never fucking worked.
Quitting never worked.
Trying never worked.
So now I’m just... doing.
Say stop if it hurts too much.
Stop, reverse.
Shut your goddamn mouth.
I don’t want to feel like this. You know, collapsed.
They have a word for this.
I think the term is denial.
Labels: creationism
7:09 PM
headaches
I feel like
my eyes
are made
of glass.
Labels: hello there child
5:25 PM
Spin me round again and rub my eyes
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